Real-Time Plea Bargaining
aka "How to Drive in Texas"

A friend of a friend, who is a science geek, used to make 
frequent trips between Dallas and Houston. Being a true 
Texan, he had a foot made of lead.

Not being fond of speeding tickets, though, he devised a 
solution.  He carefully cut thin aluminum strips, packed 
them in two cardboard tubes, put a small charge in the end 
of each, and mounted them under the front bumper of his 
car. He mounted a button on his steering column to 
detonate the charges.

One day, he was driving along, and his radar detector went 
off just as he passed a cop. He popped the button, blowing 
the tubes, and hit his brakes. The blast blew the foil out, and 
the wind quickly distributed it in a "cloud" around the car.

Now, aluminum foil is very light compared to its surface area, 
so it very quickly decelerated. Thus, the cop couldn't get a 
lock on the car.

About a half mile later, the cop pulled up behind him, so he 
pulled over. He rolled down his window, and the cop came 
blustering over, saying, "I don't know what in the heck you 
did back there, and I can't write you a speeding ticket. But 
by DAMNED I'm gonna write you a ticket for LITTERING!!"

He had left a trail of aluminum foil stretched over several 
hundred feet, lining both the median and the emergency 
lane with foil....   He framed the littering ticket.

 Infinite Wisdom
One day a teacher was giving a lecture on philosophy, and 
had the class enthralled.  It was a brilliant lecture.  Suddenly, 
over his head a bright light flashed and an angel came down 
and approached the teacher.  She said, 
"You are doing such a good job teaching this class, I have 
decided to give you one wish.  You can have infinite money, 
infinite wisdom, or infinite knowledge."  
 
Thinking for a minute, he humbly asked for infinite wisdom.  
She tapped him with a magic wand and disappeared in a flash.  
The class leaned forward to hear the first words from a man 
with infinite wisdom. 
He said, "It would have been wiser to take the money..."