A Wee Bit O' The Irish Mar 16, 1998
Irish. Oh, Irish! Oh, why are they picking on the Irish today? Well, because it's time to pick on the Irish.... {g}
LadyHawke
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, the dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "No, we cannot have services for an animal in the church, but there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said "I'll go right now. Do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick asked, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?"
Mean old Fitzgerald died and his funeral was held by Father O'Malley in a parish in Ireland. Fitzgerald was a rich businessman that treated his factory workers and family very poorly; never had a good word for anyone, but lots of bad ones, a penny pincher and slave driver. Only seven people showed up for the funeral, and usually the whole parish showed up when someone passed. Father treated all his flock the same and started his usual mass. When it came time for the eulogy, no one came forward. Father asked for someone to do the proper thing, but all just bowed their heads and looked at the floor. Father said, surely someone has something nice to say about old Fitzgerald. No one looked up. Father got mad and said, now this is my church and someone is going to give a few words good of eulogy. No one moved, but finally Paddy, the janitor, stood up. Father, he said, his brother was meaner. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with their girl friends. One felt guilty and decided he should stop at the church and confess. He went into the confession booth and told the Father, "Father, I have sinned. I have committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me." The Father said, "Tell me who the lady was." The lad said he couldn't do that and the Father said he couldn't grant him forgiveness unless he did. "Was it the bony Mollie O'Grady?" asked the Father. "No." "Was it Rosie Kelly?" "No." "Was it that red-headed wench Tessie O'Malley?" "No." "Well then," said the Father, "You'll not be forgiven." When the lad met his friend outside the friend asked, "So, did you find forgiveness." "No," said the other, "but I picked up three good prospects!"
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