St. Patrick's Day Medley Mar 17, 1998
"When Irish Eyes are Smiling....." Happy St. Patrick's Day to my Irish and Irish-wanna-be subscribers!Because of my red hair and green eyes, I am sometimes mistaken for Irish. {g} Shall I imitate an Irish brogue?
LadyHawke
An Irishman proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day and gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. On learning it wasn't real, she protested vehemently about his cheapness.
"It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day" he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock."
Bud Nelson, from New York, flew to Knock Airport in the west of Ireland on Business. As he walked down the stairs from the plane onto the runway he noticed a small Irishman standing beside a long table with a assortment of Human Skulls. "What are you doing?" asked the American. "Oh, I'm selling skulls", replied the Irishman. "And what skulls do you have?" said Bud. "Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever lived!!" said the Irishman. "That's great!" said Bud. "Give me some names!" "Well!" said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls. "That one there is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright, that one there is St. Brendan, the Navigator, that's Michael Collins the leader of the 1916 rising, and that one there is St. Patrick, the Patron Saint of Ireland... G-d bless his soul.." "Sorry" said Bud, "But did you say St. Patrick?" "That's correct!" said the Irishman. "I have to have that!" said Bud and paid him $1,650.00 in cash. Bud flew back to New York and mounted his Skull on the wall in his Pub. People came from all over America to view this famous Skull. He made a fortune over a five year period and retired a very rich man. During his retirement, he decided to go back to visit Ireland, the land that made him a fortune. Bud flew back into Knock airport, and while walking down the stairs saw the same Irishman at the bottom of the stairs. "Goodness", said Bud, "What are you doing?" "Oh, I'm selling skulls", replied the Irishman. "And what skulls do you have today?" said Bud. "Well, I have the skulls of the most famous Irishmen that ever lived!!" said the Irishman. "That's great!" said Bud. "Give me some names!" "Well!" said the Irishman, pointing to various skulls. "That one there is James Joyce, the famous author and playwright, that one there is St. Brendan, the Navigator, that's Michael Collins the leader of the 1916 rising, and that one there is St. Patrick, the Patron Saint of Ireland... G-d bless his soul.." "Sorry" said Bud, "But did you say St. Patrick?" "That's Correct!" said the Irishman. "Well!", said Bud, I was here almost 7 years ago and you sold me a Skull a little bit bigger than that one there, and you told me then that the skull was St. Patrick."
"Oh yes!" said the Irishman, "I remember you now!...you see... This is St. Patrick when he was a Boy!!"
An Irishman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you lad?" "Yesss, sssshombody stol me car!" the Irishman replies. The cop asks, "Well now, where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It was at the end of this key." About this time the cop happens to notice that the Irishman's member is being exhibited for all to see. He then asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself, sir?"
The Irishman looks down woefully and moans, "OOOH G-D... they got me girlfriend, too!!"
"And the winning ticket is number 11," Father Ted called at the charity raffle. Everybody looked around to see who had won the prize but no one had their hand up. "Didn't you have ticket number 11 Father Dougal?" Father Ted urged.
"So I do Father," said Father Dougal. "I'm sorry, I was looking at it upside down!"
An Irish fella left the pub late one night, and since it was late he figured to cut through the cemetery.. As he walked through it, he fell into a fresh cut grave.. Try as he could, the loose dirt allowed no hold, and he kept slipping back into the hole.. Finally, he decided to wait till morning and let the caretakers help him out, so he sat in a corner and went to sleep.. A little later in the night, another Irish bloke made the same shortcut, and he too fell into the grave site.. As he scrambled at the sides to no avail, the other drunk woke up.. "Ya kanna get out, I've tried", he said.. He got out...
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