How To Get A Ransom Mar 15, 1998
Just where did these criminals go to school? Alas, the education is just not what it used to be....
LadyHawke
In Bent Forks, Ill., kidnapers of ice-cube magnate Worth Bohnke sent a photograph of their captive to Bohnke's family. Bohnke was seen holding up a newspaper. It was not that day's edition and, in fact, bore a prominent headline relating to Nixon's trip to China. This was pointed out to the kidnapers in a subsequent phone call. They responded by sending a new photograph showing an up-to-date newspaper. Bohnke, however, did not appear in the picture. When this, too, was refused, the kidnapers became peevish and insisted that a photograph be sent to them showing all the people over at Bohnke's house holding different issues of "Success" magazine. They provided a mailing address and were immediately apprehended. They later admitted to FBI agents they did not understand the principle involved in the photograph/newspaper concept. "We thought it was just some kind of tradition," said one.
10. He puts his return address on the ransom note. (see above) 9. Instead of tying you up with rope, he decides to go with velcro. 8. He's demanding $2,000,000 in unmarked million dollar bills. 7. Did extremely poorly on Jeopardy's "Kidnapper Week." 6. He keeps calling you "Evander" and asking for a rematch. 5. He's your grandpa Kenny, and he hid you behind a sofa in the family room. 4. He lets you borrow his phone, as long as it's a local call. 3. He keeps referring to a dog-eared copy of "Kidnapping for Dummies." 2. When your parents ask for proof you're alive, he sends you home to tell them. 1. Plans to bet ransom money on the New York Jets.
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