Microsoft Buys Winter Olympics! Feb 18, 1998
I don't know about you, but, personally, I love watching Olympics. There is something very special about training for 4 years for a 10-seconds performance. No, I'm not being sarcastic. I admire men and women who can withstand such kind of pressure. More power to them!Then again, watching MS Olympics is quite another story....
LadyHawke
NAGANO, JAPAN (DPI) - In some rather disturbing news, software behemoth Microsoft purchased the 1998 Winter Olympics last Friday for an undisclosed sum. Even the athletes did not know until CEO Bill Gates stepped up to the microphone to deliver the opening address, which was composed entirely of ones and zeros. Lawyers for the MS Winter Olympics said this was the right move to ensure their world dominance in the winter sports. There is no truth to the rumor that Mr. Gates had to dodge snowballs at the end of his speech. CBS was paid off and told to pack up their equipment as MSNBC took over broadcasting the events. Only MSN on-line subscribers will get to see the finals in each sport. Several countries were upset to find out that the luge course had been replaced by a new standard and would require them to purchase the MSLuge 4.0 sled in order to compete. Bobsledders faired much better by only having to buy the MSBobsled upgrade. Owners of previous versions on Microsoft Bob were given a discount. Speed and figure skating venues as well as hockey games were postponed until next week while engineers work out the design enhancements in the new MSSkate suite of products. In true fairness and spirit of the games, Microsoft has let a competing company operate the MacSki Jump. It will be 40% narrower and 60% faster than other ski jumps. All athletes competing on snow will be required to wear the new MS Ski 98 Build 1650. The company maintains that it is not responsible for falls, slips, slides, tumbles or crashes. Finally, the traditional starter's pistol has been replaced by a little white arrow clicking on a Start button that pops up a menu, that pops up a menu, that pops up a menu....... Reported by Dave Henry (Microsoft, MS Winter Olympics, CBS, MSNBC, MSN, MSLuge, MSBobsled, Microsoft Bob, MSSkate, MSBiathlon, MSWrasslin' and MacSki Jump and MS Ski 98, are Trademarks of their respective corporations.)
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