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The Magic of LadyHawke's Archives
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Of Multiple Births...
Dec 3, 1997
When I was leaving the hospital, I had three (!) 'very' pregnant ladies,
walking out with me. They still had some time to go before giving birth.
However, judging from the expressions on their faces, they were "ready
to pop." Gosh, I sure hope that whatever they've got isn't catching!
LadyHawke
*~*~*~*~*
Four expectant fathers were in Minneapolis hospital waiting room,
while their wives were in labor.
The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations
sir, You're the father of twins."
"What a coincidence" the man said with some obvious pride.
"I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."
The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man,
"You sir, are the father of triplets."
"Wow, That's really an incredible coincidence " he answered.
"I work for the 3M Corporation." My buddies at work will never
let me live this one down.
An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around,
the nurse came back, this time she turn to the 3rd man - who had
been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given
birth to quadruplets.
Stunned, he barely could reply. "Don't tell me! Another coincidence?"
asked the nurse. After finally regaining his composure, he said "I don't
believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel."
After hearing this, everybody's attention turned to the 4th guy, who had
just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and after
some time, he slowly gained back his consiousness.
When he was finally able to speak, you could hear him whispering
repeatedly the same phrase over and over again.
"I should have never taken that job at 7-Eleven...
"I should have never taken that job at 7-Eleven...
"I should have never taken that job at 7-Eleven...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Top 16 Signs You're About to have Septuplets
16> When listening for fetal heartbeat, doctor hears faint
sounds of a game of water polo.
15> Your womb has more kicks than the Rockettes and those
Riverdance bozos combined.
14> On the way to the hospital, your water breaks and your
convertible becomes a mobile hot tub.
13> The turf war between local Pampers and Luvs sales reps
is escalating.
12> You feel extremely nauseous and distressed -- and you're
not watching a Pauly Shore movie.
11> Your water breaks to the sound of hammering and animals
shuffling by in pairs.
10> Well, it's either setuplets or that 30 lb. ovarian cyst
acting up again.
9> Fire Marshall hassles you about being in violation of
maximum occupancy laws.
8> There are many people inside you and you're not Madonna.
7> Other pregnant women: as big as a house.
You: as big as Bill Gates's house.
6> More nude children in your ultrasound picture than in
Michael Jackson's playroom.
5> You're dilated to the size of the Lincoln Tunnel and your
doctor has started yodeling.
4> Court order from Disney warning you to avoid copyright
infringements when naming the children.
3> Your sonogram had an intermission.
2> Need to wear an extra watch because your body spans two
time zones.
and the Number 1 Sign You're About to have Septuplets...
1> Forget about gentle kicks -- your abdomen feels like
the mosh pit at a Green Day concert.
[ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pregnant woman went to the gynecologist, and when asked
that was the problem, she responded, "Well, whenever I take off
my clothes, my nipples get hard."
Shocked, the doctor took a deep breath, then asked, "Your
nipples get hard?"
"Yes," quite innocently came her reply.
"Undress so I can check," replied the still amazed doc.
So, she undressed, and he got down to the feeling and
massaging, trying to reach an answer. After some
considerable time, the doctor, still looked puzzled, said,
"Well madame, I don't know what you have, but it sure
as hell contagious!"
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