Most of people look a little bit pregnant after the Thanksgiving, don't they? Oh, you poor folks! Here's something to make you feel better...
LadyHawke
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P.S. A correction to the yesterday's tidbits. It has been established that pregnancy is indeed contagious: A lady gets it from her husband. This statement is true: If the baby is not from lady's husband, she's not a lady! (Unmarried live-in parents are assumed married for the purposes of the above joke.)
First, my son's first attempt at humor.
Q: What is a Thanksgiving country?
A: Turkey.
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Top 10 things that sound dirty at Thanksgiving but aren't:
10. "Reach in and grab the giblets."
9. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"
8. "I am in the mood for a little dark meat!"
7. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."
6. "Talk about a HUGE breast!"
5. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"
4. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down."
3. "It's cool whip time!"
2. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"
..... and the number one thing that sounds dirty at Thanksgiving but isn't.....
1. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out."
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You Know You've Overdone Thanksgiving If :
* You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses
* Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy
* Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian
* The "Gravy Boat" your wife set out was a real 12' boat !
* The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland
* You get grass stains on your butt after a walk, but never sat down
* Your "Big Elvis Super-Belt" won't even go around your wais
* You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail
* You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday
* Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy
* You have 5 TV sets side-by-side to catch all the football games
* A guest quotes a Biblical passage from "The Feeding of the 5000"
* That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn
* Your wife wears a life jacket at nite in your water bed
* Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice
* You consider gluttony as your patriotic duty
* It looks like the left-overs are gonna last until Christmas
* Your arms are too short to reach the keyboard & delete this message
You are what you eat.... and you are NOT gonna like being a turkey.
