Recently, I've run a couple of jokes about California.  
Gosh, these Californians are sure touchy!  Can't you take 
a joke?  You haven't heard that self-depreciating humor is 
the best kind?

Anyway, in fairness, here's some bashing for my city-mates.

LadyHawke
*~*~*~*~*~*

 You Know You're From New York City When...

 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that 
this means Manhattan.

 2. You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skill.

 3. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the 
Empire State  Building.

4.  You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get 
from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday 
before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

 5.  Hookers and the homeless are invisible.

 6.  The subway makes sense.

 7.  The subway should never be called anything prissy, like 
the Metro.

 8.  You believe that being able to swear at people in their 
own language makes you multi-lingual.

 9.  You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.

10. You've considered stabbing someone just for saying 
"The Big Apple."

11. Your door has more than three locks.

12. You go to a hockey game for the fighting.  In the stands.  
To participate.

13. Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.

14. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.

15. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

16. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.

17. You complain about having to mow it.

18. You are a skee-ball juggernaut.

19. You consider Westchester "Upstate."

20. You cried the day Mayor Ed Koch took over for Judge 
Wapner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Zen Master in NYC

The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet.
He goes up to a hot-dog vendor and says, "Make me one 
with everything."
The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the 
Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill.
The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.
"My change?" asks the Zen Master.
The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."