Death by Work...         Mar 26, 1998

A very suitable notice for the 'hump' day, don't you think?  Now, 
don't you work too hard!  You may die from it.

LadyHawke
*~*~*~*~*~*

"Notice To Employees"

Dear Employees,

It has been brought to the attention of the management of this 
company that many employees have been dying while on duty for 
no good reason. Furthermore, it also appears that some employees 
are refusing to fall over after they have died. This, in some cases, 
has resulted in unearned overtime payments which are not provided 
for under our employee benefit program. Effective immediately, this 
practice must be discontinued! On and after today, any employee 
found sitting up after s/he has died will be dropped from the payroll 
at once, without further investigation. This action is covered by 
Company Regulation #20 (non-productive labor). When it can be 
proven that the employee is being held up by a desk, typewriter, 
drawing board, telephone, or any other means of support which is 
the property of the company, a one (1) day period of grace will 
be granted. In the event of apparent death, the following procedures 
will be strictly adhered to:

1. If, after several hours, it is noted that any employee has not moved
or opened at least one eye, the department head will investigate.
Because of the highly sensitive nature and/or origin of some employees
and because of the close resemblance between death and their normal
working attitude, the investigation will be made quietly so as to avoid
waking the employee if s/he is asleep (which is, of course, permitted
under present union contracts).

2. If some doubt still exists as to the true condition of the employee,
a pay check will be used as the final test. If the employee fails to
reach for the check, it is reasonable to assume that death has occurred.
Note that in some cases the instinct is so strongly developed that a
spastic clutching may occur even after death; do not be misled by this
manifestation.

3. In the event that an employee fails to abandon whatever s/he is
doing at Coffee Break time, no investigation is necessary as this is
conclusive proof that rigor mortis has already set in.

Best Regards,

The Management