On Clinton again...         April 17, 1998

 Did you see the most recent polling data put Clinton and 
Dole in a dead heat?  Dole's dead and Clinton's in heat. 
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Clinton is so far ahead that he's dating again. 
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Leon Panetta entered the Oval Office and said, 
"Mr. President, we're going to have to do something 
about this abortion bill." 
Clinton said, "I'm getting tired of hearing about it, just 
pay the darn thing!" 
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even though Chelsea is in California at Stanford, 
President Clinton is acting like she's still at the White 
House. Yesterday he invited all of her friends over for 
a pajama party. 
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The Center For Disease Control in Atlanta today 
issued an URGENT WARNING:

The President has proven that you can get sex 
from aides.
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 "First Dog"	

I heard on the news recently that they are going to 
neuter Buddy, the First Dog.  Maybe I'm missing 
something, but haven't they got the wrong guy?
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 "New Cure"	

Clinton was walking around the White House with a pair 
of ladies panties on his arm.  Everyone was looking at him 
and wondering what he was doing now.  After about an 
hour one guy got brave enough to ask him what he was 
doing with the pair of ladies panties on his arm.  
Clinton replied,
"Oh, that?  It's the patch.  I'm trying to quit."
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 "Virgin Mary"	

Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, and due 
to some administrative foul up, Clinton gets sent to 
Heaven and the Pope gets sent to Hell.

The Pope explains the situation to the Hell 
administration.  They check their paperwork, and the 
error is acknowledged.  They explain, however, that it 
will take about 24 hours to make the switch.

The next day, the Pope is called in.  The Hell 
administration bids him farewell and he heads for Heaven.  
On the way up, he meets Clinton on his way down, and 
they stop to chat.
Pope:  "Sorry about the mix up."
Clinton:  "No problem."
Pope:  "Well, I'm really excited about going to Heaven."
Clinton:  "Why's that?"
Pope:  "All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary."
Clinton:  "Er...   You're a day late."
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 "Jogging"	

Bill Clinton went jogging one evening and came upon 
the Washington Monument.

He said, "George, what should I do?"  
After a few seconds, George replied,  
"Abolish the IRS and start over."  
 
Bill thought about this for a few seconds and continued 
jogging.  Shortly he came upon the Jefferson Memorial 
and stopped there.  
He said, "Tom, what should I do?"  
After a few seconds, Tom replied, 
"Abolish welfare and start over."  
 
Bill continued jogging after thinking about this and 
came upon the Lincoln Memorial.  
He said, "Abe, what should I do?"  
After a few seconds, Abe replied, 
"Why don't you take the night off and go to the theater?" 
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Yeah, I know.  This medley of jokes bites sharply.  
However, one should bless the country where a person
can freely say those things about the highest official of
our government without a fear of retaliation. - LadyHawke