It's a dog eat dog world out there.  And the truth 
always looks interesting when published in 
Russian newspapers. 

LadyHawke
*~*~*~*~*~*

"A Dog Fight"

The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race 
realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were 
going to blow up the world. One day they sat down and decided 
to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 
five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and 
whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the 
world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. 

The Russians found the biggest and meanest Doberman and 
Rottweiler females in the world and bred them with the biggest 
and meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest 
and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and 
gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after 
five years came up with the biggest and meanest dog the world 
had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches 
thick, and nobody could get near it. 

When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed 
up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund.  
Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there 
was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with 
the Russian dog. When the cages were opened up, the 
Dachshund came out of its cage and waddled over towards the 
Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of its 
cage and charged the American dachshund. But, when it got 
close enough to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund 
opened its mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. 
There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog. 

The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in 
disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened.  
We had our best people working for five years with the meanest 
Doberman and Rottweiller females in the world and the biggest, 
meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing", an American replied. "We had our best plastic 
surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a 
Dachshund."

The following day this article appeared in the Pravda Newspaper. 

"In the Dog fight for world dominance, the Russians came in 
second, and the United States came in next to last."