The virtue of spelling         Jan 19, 1998

I suppose I've asked for it. {shaking my head} Well, I didn't expect so many people to MISunderstand me! Please allow me clarify. First of all, I spelled "Super Bowl" as "Super Ball" on purpose! It was a pun on the fact that the players use 'ball' not 'bowl' to play. It was also a reference to the fact that males (who own the afore-mentioned part of the anatomy) are more susceptible to being football's fanatics. Besides, my best jokes have been a play on words, or haven't you noticed?

Second of all, when I accidentally misspell something (or, you THINK I misspell something), I don't want to hear from 1,001 people who think they 'got' me and are busting my chops. If you caught my pun, enjoy it! If you think it's a mistake, well, let it be. I have 7,600 people on my list. If each of you wrote to correct my 'errors,' I would read my e-mail for days and never have time to edit any jokes.

For example, this morning, one #%$*.. er... 'nice' person wrote to me:

">you spelled theoretical wrong.
>you spelled it rhetorical.
>ha ha ha...i picked up on your mistake."

Oh, give me a break! I wrote my comments exactly as I intended. The American Heritage Dictionary states, "rhetorical question n. A question to which no answer is expected." So, don't put words in my mouth, for crying out loud.

Third of all, (while I'm on the subject of complaining), please understand the following. When I explained why I spell G-d with a hyphen, I did NOT invite religious discussions on the validity of my personal practice. I did NOT asked to be attacked. I did NOT tell anyone what s/he should do. I did NOT impose my views or practices on anyone. I did NOT ask anyone to impose his/her opinion on me. I did NOT ask to be converted, prejudiced against, made fun of, criticized to the bone, preached to, judged with harshness, and generally put down and damned to hell. I do what I do. I am NOT telling anyone to do it. Why do so many people feel free to tell *me* what to do? I was being bugged down with e-mail asking me for the reasons. I have simply explained why *I* do it. End of story. End of conversation.

In other words, a hunting season on LadyHawke is NOT OPEN!!

I'll get off my soap box now. Thank you for listening.

As far as the typos are concerned..... well, here's a repeat of a little joke which I like so much. It makes a perfect point. Enjoy!

A harassed LadyHawke
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"An Ode to a Spell Checker..."

I have a spelling checker
I disk covered four my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see.

Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.

Each frays comes posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore wee rote with checkers
Hour spelling was inn deck line,
Butt now when wee dew have a laps,
Wee are not maid too wine.

And now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults in awl this peace,
Of nun eye am a wear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.

That's why eye brake in two averse
Cuz Eye dew want too please.
Sow glad eye yam that aye did bye
This soft wear four pea seas.